The Rose

The rose fell in seeming slow motion as I stood over the grave site. Underneath my feet, the casket was lowered and her body would be trusted to the earth. I stood there, starring stoically into the ground, watching the pale pink coffin slowly become enveloped with dirt. I stood, accepting hugs, but eyes never leaving her. I promised they would never look on anyone else the same way, on our wedding day. I refused to leave. Eventually even the strongest of my friends cried and had to leave, and I stood alone, with the grave crew. They stood waiting for me to leave. I looked up and let a small, meaningless smile pass onto my lips as I turned to leave. My heart had never felt so heavy, not even on the day she had passed. I turned, tears welling up as the crew put the backhoe into motion and began the actual burial process. I made it to my car and sat back in the driver’s seat, glancing over at the passenger’s seat taking a deep breath.

“You’re going to have to learn how to live past this, love…” She said smiling as we had gotten the prognosis for her condition. She was going to die. I had cried for at least ten minutes just sitting there with her. I was crushed. All the best doctors and the procedures couldn’t change the inevitable. My beautiful, wonderful wife… She would be gone from me in a years time… I remember looking deeply into her eyes. They were dark green that day, strong enough for both of us, and caring enough to show me that love would carry on, past the grave. She held me close as I cried, completely and utterly crushed under the weight of the world.

That feeling was with me again as I crumbled in on myself, crying again. I cried until I didn’t think I could cry anymore. Then there was nothing. Numbness took over as I drove home. Her eyes set in my memory forever. That moment that she had held me up and made me realize that I wouldn’t regret a day of my life with her. I couldn’t help but smile a little as I fell onto my spot on the couch, pulling up a blanket. I hadn’t slept in our bed in days. It just felt wrong. This had become my temporary bed, and the dog was starting to get more use out of the bed than I was. I was trying in vain to forget about the moment she had passed. The moment she looked at me, her eyes no longer that dark emerald green, but instead a cloudy green; and said, ‘I will always love you Ben’. And then her eyes closed. And I will never see them open again. Damn it. And here I was thinking I wouldn’t be able to cry anymore…