New Beginnings and Old Behaviors

There are moments in my life that I wish I hadn't gone through in order to get to where I am. There are things that I’ve done, that I’m not proud of. Then again… Some of those things are things that most people wouldn't think twice about.

I’m not sorry for the people I’ve killed.

I know that’s a bit of a powerful statement, but when you’re an emissary of the gods, its part of the job.

Izri took a moment and smiled, looking down at her journal. It wasn't much but it was a start. She had begun writing at the direction of a few of the priestess’ at the temple. She’d woken here and been brought to the oracle at the temple. The woman that had been appointed to the temple was the only one to know how her exaltation, as it were, had occurred.

~*~

“You require a new name, child.”  The older woman spoke in a tone that didn't leave much room for negotiation. Tired, perhaps a bit wise, but still as compassionate as an individual could muster. Izri nodded and looked around her. Everything was white and gold with silver accents.

“Where am I, if you don’t mind…”

“Not at all, child. You are in the Temple of Iomedae. She has saved you, it appears.” The oracle stood, walking to Izri. She took her hands and traced the symbols on her hands. Izri pulled her hands back and shook her head.

“I don’t remember much about it honestly. I was facing death. Again. And then I was speaking in some… strange language… and now… I’m here.”

“Celestial by the accounts from the Andorian priests.”

“Oh gods… They’re going to be after me…”

“No. The kings guards will be.” A slight smirk emerged on the oracle’s face as she watched Izri.

“I’m glad you've maintained my sense of normal by allowing for accurate sarcasm in the conversation.” Izri rolled her eyes at the statement. She paused looking back at the oracle. “I didn't kill her.”

“I know.”

Izri paused in the walk about the room in front of a statue of Iomedae. The goddess looked cruel. It wasn't her features, perhaps just the stone she had been carved from. Izri smirked at that thought and began to think of the miracle it was that she had been saved, even if it had doomed her in the Kingdom of her birth. Andor would never welcome her home. She starred quietly at the statue, wondering about the ‘why’ of it all.

“Your thoughts cloud your vision, child. You've yet to come to a name.” As the oracle spoke, Izri thought she saw the lips of the statue move into a slight knowing smile. Izri smirked and shook her head.

“No… I have one. I don’t think I have a choice in the matter either…” She turned towards the other oracle and held her hands open, palms facing out. “My name is Mirari.”

“Miracle? Very appropriate child…” The oracle smiled and looked past Mirari to the statue.

~*~

 I have yet to set out on any journeys in the name of my Goddess, however… soon. The priestesses and priests are almost convinced that my ‘ maniacal’ past is behind me. Weird how when you represent a goddess of justice and all things white and right in the world, they frown on stumbling back into the temple right before devotionals drunk and in the arms of … someone not temple approved.

Mirari smirked and put the quill down. She bound the book quietly and tucked the quill into her up-do  She was growing tired of the temple life. Her bones itched to get out and back into the world. Or maybe that was just the clothes.

She stepped outside, the white and gold skirt flowing in the breeze. In the long side slit of the skirt, a knife sat on the oracles thigh, steel glinting in the sun. One of her religious instructors stood, waiting.

“You’re late.”

“No. I’m simply working on a different schedule than you are.”

“Given that it’s my schedule that I follow and set yours by, I’d continue with the prior statement.”

“Rigidity and I don’t get along, unless…” Mirari smirked and glanced downward to the priests groin.

“Don’t be lewd.” The priest flushed and shook his head, opening the scroll.

“Aww but it’s so much fun to watch you squirm.”  Mirari stuck her tongue out and looked around at the gardens. It was beautiful here. Mundane and beautiful. She imagined a lot of people having religious experiences here.

“Why do you enjoy making people uncomfortable?” The sword knight was frustrated with her antics.

“Because how will you know your limits if no one pushes them? You've chosen religion as your life. It’s a safe, comfortable existence. Nothing has ever been learned from safety. In order to grow, you must be uncomfortable and even hurt once in a while. Religion is supposed to be a journey. And so is life. Take it too seriously and it’ll kill you before you have any fun.” Mirari lounged on the bench, watching the priests face grow sterner. “Besides, I can’t tell if you’re more pissed off with yourself or me at this point. It’s pretty funny.” 

“You’re contemptible. An awful example of all that Iomedae holds dear. Why she chose you is beyond me. I’ve killed people for lesser offenses.”

“And I thought you didn't like me!” Mirari smirked and the sword knight rolled his eyes, beginning to read from the devotional. Her head bowed. The readings did give her a sense of peace and they reminded her that her efforts against the governments she wandered through were not in vain. There was a higher purpose to be served. Besides… a corrupt government, or god should be fearful of it’s followers and people. 

The Moment When...

There comes a moment when you stop, stare into someone eyes, and you can see yourself reflected perfectly back at you. Not the you that you imagine, but the you that the other person sees.

All of their fears, all of their joy, what they see within you, that comforting and perfect moment when you finally realize, it's not infatuation. It's purely, simply; love.

Whether it's love from someone you've taken into your life, through an odd series of events; or someone you've known forever, the feeling (familial or romantic) is profound. It's a moment that no one can ever take away from you.

It's scary sometimes, to know who loves you. But.. in those moments of uncertainty and fear, knowing, simply knowing that someone is out there who cares for you more deeply than any describable logical sense... you find strength. Within that moment. Within yourself.

No one is ever better off without you. YOU have made an impact. YOU are special and amazing.

Please. For no other reason than finally admitting the truth to yourself or someone else, tell someone you love them. Today, everyday, any day. Have the courage to be that moment for someone. Look into their eyes, and show them how much you care for them.

I recently had this moment with my partner. He and I starred into each others eyes and for a moment, I saw what it was that he saw. Within those deep mahogany brown pools, I saw love reflected back at me. Nothing complicated. Love, admiration and something I couldn't quite describe. Until we broke the stare and kissed. I knew what it was. It was something I've never seen married so cleanly together with love. I'll never forget that moment. It was a moment that I will carry with me and cherish for as long as I live.

Thank you, my love.

I sincerely hope you all have either gotten to experience this moment. If not, you will. I truly want to thank you all for allowing me to share my work and myself with all of you. This is in no means a good bye. Simply a moment of appreciation mixed in with a recent revelation in my own life.

Namaste,

Jessi

Sensuality in Writing and Some Other Notes

A quick overview of the lecture on monday, 8/8.

Writing exercise:

Write one example of each that fits

Lead character:
Drive:
Physically Defining Feature:
Personality Quirk:
Combo of 3 and 4; first thought that pops into your head:

Write a few sentences with attention to detail and a sensual (not necessarily sexual) experience for your reader in mind.

Enjoy!
Jessi

To My Ladies...

This is to you, my lady friends...

To you, late night booty call receivers,
remember that they're not so friendly
when there's less alcohol in their system
they're princes of the silver tongued seduction
but they'll still not want to cuddle in the morning
worse, see you without your make up on

To you, the lonely, sister figure
you have a million friends
and Facebook stats to prove it
you will find someone that is worthy,
but perhaps not within your group
perhaps a change of venue...

To you, the master of last call pickups
lay off the man hunt for the night
the term coyote ugly comes up too often
in your vocabulary.
The search for a body to fill that empty bed space
never seems to end with all your dignity

To you, the girl that's just right,
sometimes it's OK to be wrong
sometimes that's even advisable
just take a night off,
drink with the above girl and watch her work
she's a pro at being the bad-ass

To you, the tough chic
put 'em up sister
toss 'em back and watch the boys crumble
your guns outmatch theirs
and you rock
so why is your bed so lonely?

To the quiet, the meek, the oft uninvited
your overlooked charm has sat on the shelf for long enough
this is your time
being a nerd/geek is hot
rock your glasses and get those people to kneel and moan your name
admit it, you like it

To me and you and all of them
you got this.
I'm hip so let's ride.
Time to show them what you've got.
Time to show them who you are
It's about time to show yourself some love

instead of any of them

Camp NaNo's Official Kick-off !!!!

After a long awaited and highly anticipated unveiling of the summer edition, Camp NaNoWriMo is here!!

Camp NaNo Official Site

Howdy, camper!

June 17, 2011

I hope you’ve had a chance to unload your pack, slip off your boots, and dip your toes in the lake of inspiration we’re overlooking here at Camp NaNoWriMo.

If not, there’s plenty of time to explore before we get down to writing our novels. The first camp session—and your novel—will begin at 12:00:01 AM on July 1. (And if you need a little more time, or you have multiple plots in mind, don't worry. We'll be open in August for a second novel-writing session with even more site features!)

That’s right. Two opportunities for high-velocity noveling... in a tent!

A few reminders as you enter the camp site:

1. Read the Help section (in the upper right hand corner of the site). It is full of tips on how the site works and information about where everything is.

2. This is Camp beta, and new sites always come with a little bugginess (and we’re not talking about mosquitoes here...). Just head over to the Tech Help and Bug Reports forum over on NaNoWriMo.org (Camp doesn't have its own forums) where there’s a designated Camp thread. See what others have already posted there, or chime in if you have an unreported bug.

3. Follow our new @CampNaNoWriMo Twitter feed for updates and more!

4. Have fun! And don’t forget to use plenty of sun screen while you’re tromping around camp.

Giddyup!

Lindsey

So You hear that? That's the sound of the campfires starting up and the stories being told. Starting July 1st, I'll be on the trail, and I hope you'll join me on this very exciting summer edition. If you don't want to join in july, why not august? So that's right. Three months this year, you can write your novels! Come join in the fun!

~Jessi

Dear 16 year old me.

Dear 16 yr old me,
Hey. How's 11th grade treating you? Awful I know. Still thought I'd ask. You haven't graduated from high school and college is still two years out. Grandma has just passed on. Princess will die soon, so give her a hug for me, please. But it gets better! That's the good news. The other bit of good news? You're going to be amazing. And I say that with a bit of perspective. You're 25 now, realizing that you're old, and looking at your little sister who just turned 18. She survived so far! It's practically cause of celebration. No death via sodium intake.

So here's the deal. High school wasn't easy and college doesn't get any easier. As a matter of fact, it just gets harder. You're going to have one of the hardest years of your life. And I truly mean that. I could show you the scars, but you need to experience them to grow. Out of freshman year, you realize that you're strong enough to live through the depression. You start to see that that quirky guy you met in Japanese civ, is going to save your life. Better yet? He's going to become one of your best friends. No really. We're still friends. Even after you kiss him and realize it's a little weird. Don't forget to compliment him on his skills. It's only polite.

Kit is still our best friend. She's gone to FL now, and it broke our heart. But she had to go, sadly. Soon enough she'll be home though. When? I don't know. But she will be home. She's been friends with us for 13 years now. Crazy huh?

You have friends that love you. You have guys that are amazed by you. They think you're beautiful, something we never thought would happen, right? Mostly for some uh, more physical reasons but that's neither here nor there. By the time you get here, you'll have experienced, love, loss, tragedy and joy that no one can ever take from you. You'll have been engaged, and so close to being married. And then you'll make the decision to end it. Because in the end, you're not the one for him. And trust me, there's more than the initial reasons.

These people change everything about you. They challenge you, they make you stronger, and you love them more for it. They're going to make you angry beyond belief, and push you until you think you're going to break. And they show you in the end, who you really are.

You start an amazing writing group with your best friend. And the support system that you create there for others is invaluable. Not only are you helping keep the creative spirit alive and well in the community, but you're writing. Just like Gram. Ok maybe gram didn't write about mutants, fate, death and coffee.

So life will get harder. But you have to know that even when you're sitting on the floor of your dorm thinking it's the end, you will get better. Honestly. And even though I know you'll never see this, I know someone who knows a 16 year old, soon to be 16yr old, or once was 16 will. Depression is a very real thing and needs to be addressed head on. So please always remember to be kind, hug often and laugh even more than you think your sides can take. Have one drink too many once in a while and lay in your best friends lap, listening to a good conversation. And just remember. You're going to be amazing.

Love,
Me.

On love, infatuation, and lust

It's funny that the longer I'm single or even just dating, the more I tend to wax poetic about love, lust and the feelings of twitter-pation (no it's not a word, but yes I'm using it anyway). Recently I ran into someone that made my heart skip. I can't tell you how long it's been since that happened. This realization that I'm still alive in the romantic sense, kind of made me happier than anything else in the world could have. And then there's the crushing reality of the potential relationship. There's the fear. There's the anxiety. There's the potential to be hurt. Again. Most of all it's probably best summarized in this quote by Neil Gaiman.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
— Neil Gaiman (The Kindly Ones)

I don't hate it. I just severely dislike it's unpleasant effects on my thought process. Like many, I tend towards stupidity in that I can't stop thinking about the other person I'm with. I don't even have to be with them constantly for it to happen. Heck the more I'm apart, I wonder what they're doing, hoping that they're having the best day possible, but knowing that something minor has gone wrong somewhere. I can't help but smile thinking I'll hear about it and try to fix it.

But gods be damned, when they let go, or you let go, and things begin to slip through the cracks... love is one of the most painful experiences. My heart breaks when I heard those words, or I had to say them.I cried for days when I realized I couldn't stop the inevitable. There's something about being faced with an oncoming train that makes me crumble in front of it.

So here I sit, after midnight, typing away at the things that have earned my ire. Are the relationships worth it? Yes. All the pain in the world is worth hearing someone sigh genuinely, and say "I love you". And for that... I'll eternally be a fool.

Namaste,
Jessi

In Which We Prepare for ScriptFrenzy

Aaaaaaand, I'm back!

So it has come to my attention that in a very short period of time, ScriptFrenzy will begin. The second (well first chronologically speaking) of the Office of Letters and Lights annual festivities is about to kick off. I, myself, have never participated in this maddening affair though I am making an attempt to this year. Wish me luck. My friend Patrick offered me a link that I'm now going to offer to you. It brings you to a free online course on how to write a screenplay, so if you haven't but still want in on this, have fun! How to Write a Screenplay by the University College at Falmouth

Ok ok so I've avoided talking about what the challenge entails up until now. Here goes. Don't run. Have a cookie. Sit, yes? Good. *deep breath* It's a challenge to write a 100 page screenplay by the end of April. http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/scriptfrenzy

Have you ever wished there were a version of NaNoWriMo dedicated to scriptwriting?

There is!

Script Frenzy!
Write a movie, play, TV show, or graphic novel with us in April!

The Office of Letters and Light is proud to announce the fourth-annual Script Frenzy event coming up this April. For it, participants take on the challenge of writing 100 pages of scripted material in the month of April. Every writer who completes the goal of 100 pages is victorious and awe-inspiring and will receive a handsome Script Frenzy Winner's Certificate and web badge proclaiming this fact.

Even those who fall short of the word goal will be applauded for making a heroic attempt. Really, you have nothing to lose—except that nagging feeling that there's a script inside you that may never get out.

Who: You and everyone you know. No experience required.

What: 100 pages of original scripted material in 30 days. (Screenplays, stage plays, TV shows, short films, and graphic novels are all welcome.)

When: April 1-30. Every year.

Where: Online and in person. Hang out in the forums, join your fellow participants at optional write-ins all around the world. (Your NaNoWriMo user name works over at www.scriptfrenzy.org.)

Why: Because you have a story to tell. Because we all need creative challenges. And because making stuff feels great!

Stil there? Awesome. Have another cookie. Unlike NaNoWriMo, since I have never finished this or even attempted it, I will not be an ML or anything of the like. However, since I'm doing this too, I figure I'll have some interestingly humorous posts regarding it on the blog. Maybe even a stress induced cartoon. Who can tell?

Oh also, April hapens to be National Poetry Month so Inkwell will be hosting a Poetry Slam mid month (more details to follow pending approval). This month has a lot packed into it. So deep breath y'all. Here goes nothing!

Namaste,
Jessi

15 minute daily writing challenge

I'm never going to dance again. The rhythm. The footsteps, the way our bodies intertwined. I couldn't see his face, but god... the way I felt... The damned masks.

I couldn't shake that night no matter how many times I tried. I couldn't help the way i had felt, nor could I imagine feeling that way ever again. I stepped through the door of the dance studio and smiled to the students who were early. I was their instructor, but after that last night, I wasn't confident I could teach them to dance today. I put my bag down and stretched, putting earphones in. The songs flooded through my ears as I stepped and twirled, my eyes closed to the onlookers, recalling the dance. I danced as if it was meant for one. It felt so sad. So joyless. Empty. I stopped at the end of the song and reopened my eyes, seeing my whole class in front of me, a few with tears in their eyes. I bowed deeply, and got up pulling out my earphones.

"So. Lets begin." I said cracking my neck and watching the students go to the barre. There was one standing in the back, I assumed someone that had come with a dancer. I simply ignored the prying eyes and went to each of my dancers instructing them gently, guiding their feet and hands, to attain the most graceful form. A smile here and there, watching them gain the passion for dance I had felt so long ago.

"You dance as if you've had your heart broken." A voice permeated the silence of the room as the dancers filtered out.

"And you are?"

"Sol."

"The sun?"

"My parents were hippies." The tall gentleman bowed. His hair fell over his broad shoulders and I smiled.

"So are you here for a private lesson? I didn't think I had anyone scheduled..."

"Not really. I know a thing or two about dance." A small smile played upon his lips and I looked to his eyes. They were dark green with flecks of gold. The sort of eyes, I always expected a dragon to have.

"Well then." My hand extended. I was intrigued, for no reason other than his eyes. I probably could have starred into them for hours, trying to find significance in this inane existence. My music and passion was gone after that night. Why not one more dance with a stranger?

"One moment." He walked to the cd player and pulled out the one i had in, replacing it with another. He pressed play and walked to me, my eyes searching him. He tied his hair back into a long ponytail and took my hand, still extended to him.

The music floated through the air and my eyebrow lofted. That song... I opened my mouth to say something and he shook his head, guiding me through the room, making my heart race. I smiled a soft smile and let a tear flow from my eyes.

"You..."

"You think I could only have one dance with a woman that made my world turn upside down?" His voice was softer than the music but i could hear him perfectly. I smiled and the beautiful melody ended.

"I haven't danced the same since that night." I found myself admitting. Almost immediately I wanted to take the words back. But his hand pushed my chin up so that my eyes met his. They looked as if they were sparkling.

"Neither have I." He leaned down and kissed me so softly I almost didn't feel it. I licked my bottom lip as he pulled back and I searched him, for something. Anything. My heart was beating so fast...

"Come with me." A warm smile and those gold glittering eyes...how could I say no?